No matter how many stories you hear, you never dream you will be the one in a plane crash. For me and my family, the worst came true last Christmas (2009). We barely escaped with our lives.

You may remember hearing about American Airlines Flight 331 that crash-landed in Jamaica. The plane skidded across the runway, broke into three sections, and stopped just a few feet from the Caribbean Sea. It was a terrifying disaster.

Me, my wife Wendy, and our three kids were all on board. (We were headed for a Christmas visit to Wendy’s family who reside in Kingston, Jamaica.) We managed to escape by climbing onto the wing in the dark and blinding rainstorm. From the wing we jumped down to the sand and, smelling jet fuel, we ran as fast as we could. We were finally picked up by a passing bus and taken to safety.

I came away with two black eyes, some cuts and some bruises. It was the scare of a lifetime. But we’re alive. And for that we are truly grateful.

Reflecting on this incident is just one more reminder that life is short. For us who believe in the Lord Jesus, we can take great comfort in God’s sovereign overruling of our lifespan as spelled out in Psalm 139, especially verse 16. As for those who don’t believe… well, I think of the 154 total people who were on that flight. I don’t know where each of them stood with the Lord, but I do know that all 154 had a near-death experience. Each came face-to-face with the reality that we will all die, and we just do not know when.

You never know when your time will come.

Did you know that every day 155,000 people die? 155,000 people! Whether in a plane crash, car accident, or quietly from illness, 155,000 people die each and every day.

That is staggering to me. And that’s why Dad and I do what we do as evangelists! It’s why our team exists. Because life is fragile. Because the end comes so soon. And because we want each and every person to hear about Jesus Christ before it’s too late.

I want to make every day count. I pray that you do, too. There are too many people who still need to hear about Jesus Christ! Together, we can take advantage of every day we are alive. We can share the Good News with people all over the world.

Please don’t miss your opportunity to seize each and every day to do something powerful for the lost and for God’s glory. We must be bold in our declaration of God’s Good News. We must make the most of our fragile, shortlives! The time is now. Let’s make evangelism a priority. Let’s unify in prayer, in support, and in encouragement for one another.

EMO speaks out on Cordoba Community Center and Mosque in New York

Ecumenical Ministries of Oregon (EMO) joins the National Council of Churches and Oregonian editorial writers and columnists to express our concern at the tenor of discourse in the past weeks around the building of the Cordoba Community Center and Mosque several blocks from Ground Zero in New York.

We do not believe that the building of this religious center is in any way intended to be disrespectful to those who died at the World Trade Center. On the contrary, opening our hearts and minds to the embrace of religious diversity and freedom of worship is a direct challenge to the intolerance and hatred that motivated the violence of 9/11.

We ask all Oregonians to promote respect and tolerance, and to speak out against extremist ideas in every community, working alongside our Muslim neighbors to live out the commandment to love our neighbor, and to promote peace.

David Leslie
Ecumenical Ministries of Oregon
Executive Director
0245 SW Bancroft St., Suite B
Portland, OR 97239

Oregon radio host Georgene Rice of KPDQ-FM interviewed  Sean Tuohy author of “In A Heartbeat: Sharing the Power of Cheerful Giving” and was featured in the movie, The Blind Side.

Rice: Why do you think your family’s story has captivated so many people?

Tuohy: It’s interesting, as we travel around, we are so lucky to come into contact with so many wonderful people. We’ll go to a conference and afterwards we say that we’ve met eight people who’s lives would have made a better movie…You start to feel humble and inadequate, that’s why we wrote the book…When you get down to it, it’s not anything more than what anyone else can do. We wanted to make sure that people knew is that you can’t get intimidated by the process there’s nothing too small that cannot help someone else…How this started was when my wife told me to turn to car around and go help this kid.  We challenge people in this book to do the same thing…It will change your life and it will be as fast as a heartbeat.

Rice: This notion of generosity was something that you had cultivated in your family over a period of time. You write about the popcorn principle, talk about that principle.

Tuohy: When people would ask us, “How do you organize your giving, how do you put it into categories?” We tell by the “Popcorn Theory,” if popcorn flies up and hits you in the face, there’s a reason for it.

There’s are these kernels in the bottom of the pan, and you don’t know their story, their baggage, they may have needs and wants…one kernel will be the most needy and it’s going to fly up and hit you in the face. And that’s kind of how we do it…we try to take the act of giving to the lowest level…it’s just doing something. We feel that you’ll get way more out of it if you go into with a cheerful heart because it will have power of it…”

Rice: How did you experience as a teenager and young man affect the way you perceived Michael as the relationship was being forged?

Tuohy: At the age of fifteen, sixteen, my dad had a disabling stroke at the age of 41.  I was at a school only because he was a teacher there. It was an exclusive private school…that school never made me feel like it was a burden for me to be there.  And they didn’t have to do that, the key was that I really wanted to stay there and they gave me the opportunity without me having to ask, made it the more powerful receiving on my end…We challenge people to give…but if you can give to somebody because you understand their need before they ask for it, the reward you get back, are huge.  And that’s what we felt with Michael. It was easy with him because, because his needs were so vast.  But my growing up and a sixteen year old doesn’t understand that, but looking back it was easy for me to see how it could have gone a whole different way…it woke up my eyes when I realized the giving.

Rice: Have you thought much about how the story would have ended if you didn’t stop the car and not turned around?

Tuohy: Everyday.  And the problem is that you’ll see another kid on the street and it keeps you up at night…Here’s the trick, Michael was incredibly talented, smart and athletically gifted way before we met him…We allowed him to become the person he was supposed to become…Imagine the one that gets left behind.

Rice: The one thing people think is the risk of taking in a homeless kid, how did those risks affect your decision making process?

Tuohy: I don’t ever remember having a concern.  Maybe that’s because we’re not very smart.   My wife says, every morning do you check the tires, the pressure, the engine?  There’s an inherent risk going over a bridge, do you check the span? We take risks everyday.  What risks are they really? The risk was that Michael wasn’t going to stay…She would have been crushed…The pace of our lives picked up because there was an extra person in our house, the interest increased…all of the sudden we looked around and thought, “This is the best time we have ever had.”

Rice: What challenges did you family face because you decided to become Michael’s parents?

Tuohy: They pushed the wagon the entire time…My son offered him room for Michael, he offered to give up his play room, which was important to him, but he gave it up in a second.  My daughter immediately said, “Why don’t I take some of Michael’s classes with him so we can study at the same time”…What we tried to do was to let them know that we were proud of them and that it made us happy and they just wanted to do it more….It was really quite easy.

Rice: Cheerful giving seems to be part of your family’s DNA.  Was that deliberate or did it grow out of this circumstance?

Tuohy: It was deliberate and lucky and blessed…you do it because that’s what your heart tells you do and you continue to do it because there is so much power in the cheerful side….we believe of the vast need that Michael needed, he allowed us to give to him everyday in a cheerful manner…we got to have Christmas everyday with him.

Rice: What has cheerful giving taught you about family?

Tuohy: The most important thing is to not measure cheerful giving.

Don’t be intimidated by any size, any amount….Start small, start where it keeps you in a cheerful manner, we know that it will grow…”

Homeschooling: The Fastest-Growing Form of Education in the U.S.

It appears that in the U.S., homeschooling is the fastest-growing form of education, according to independent research conducted by organizations ranging from the National Home Education Research Institute (www.nheri.org), a nonprofit research and educational organization, to the federally funded National Center for Education Statistics (www.nces.ed.gov).

Let’s take a look at some of the evidence:

* “Homeschooling grew from 1.7% of the school age population in 1999 to 2.9% in 2007, a 74% relative increase over 8 years,” states Dr. Brian D. Ray of the National Home Education Research Institute (NHERI).

* A 2008 study found that “an estimated 2.0 to 2.5 million K-12 children were home educated in the U.S. during mid-2008,” statistics that were also confirmed by NCES.

* Last week, in their local news coverage, Chattanooga’s News Channel 9 reported: “In the last decade, the number of homeschoolers has far more than doubled, according to the Department of Education” (WTVC-TV, August 13, 2010).

The increasing popularity of homeschooling should not come as a surprise. Homeschooling, a term referring to “parent-led, home-based education,” is now bordering on “mainstream” in the United States. In a 2008 article, SaveMoneyHomeschooling.com stated: “If homeschooling continues to grow at 7–12% per year for the next 5 years, we could see the percent of homeschooling students increase to 5 million, which is about 10% of the total children in K-12 education.”

“Homeschooling high school is no longer uncharted territory . . . . There are a multitude of homeschooled graduates who are bearing fruit in the workplace, in the military, in their families, and in colleges across the country,” states the Home-School Legal Defense Association, an organization whose purpose is to “defend and advance the constitutional right of parents to direct the education of their children.”

Gena Suarez, publisher of The Old Schoolhouse® Magazine, is not at all surprised by the increased popularity of homeschooling: “During the past thirty years, homeschooling families have proven that parents can do a better job than the public school — socially and academically. Homeschooling works; everybody wins.”

As the homeschooling movement continues to expand, and as graduates from among their ranks assume positions of leadership and responsibility in the United States, our nation will be watching. Most citizens would agree that our nation is in desperate need of wise, well-educated leaders: men and women of integrity, curiosity, strength, and courage. The fact that homeschooling is the fastest-growing form of education in our country may just offer our nation that hope we’re looking for.

About The Old Schoolhouse® Magazine: Soon to celebrate their 10-year anniversary, The Old Schoolhouse® Magazine is recognized as the premier magazine for homeschoolers. Their Fall 2010 issue will focus on higher education, featuring articles that discuss dual-credit programs offered by colleges and preparing teens for today’s job market. This professional publication offers approximately 200 pages of information, inspiration, and encouragement to homeschooling families around the world in each quarterly issue. View a sample issue here: www.thehomeschoolmagazine-digital.com/thehomeschoolmagazine/sample/#pg1.

(RNS) Believers have been writing about their spiritual journeys ever since St. Augustine invented the autobiography 16 centuries ago. Today, spiritual memoirs are enjoying a popular resurrection.

Exhibit A is Elizabeth Gilbert’s “Eat, Pray, Love,” which describes Gilbert’s midlife meltdown and her subsequent yearlong global quest for food, salvation and sex. Published in 2006, the book has sold some 8 million copies.“I used to have this appetite for my life, and it is just gone,” says actress Julia Roberts, who plays Gilbert in the film adaptation that opens Friday (Aug. 13). “I want to go somewhere where I can marvel at something.”

Fans of Gilbert’s book will be among those watching for how the film handles the book’s creative take on two classic elements of spiritual memoirs: the inner quest for spiritual transformation and the outward pilgrimage to faraway places—in this case Italy (for food), India (to study and meditate with a guru) and Bali (for romance).

For her part, Gilbert isn’t sure why “Eat, Pray, Love” struck such a powerful spiritual chord.

“My questions, for some reason, about my life intersected, dovetailed, with questions that apparently a lot of other people, women in particular, at this moment in history, were asking about their lives,” she says in a video conversation on her website.

Gilbert has praised spiritual memoirs that stick closer to home, including Anne Lamott’s “Traveling Mercies” (1999) and Rhoda Janzen’s “Mennonite in a Little Black Dress” (2009). Like “Eat, Pray, Love,” these modern memoirs strike a balance between devotion and irreverence through the careful use of humor and irony.

Janzen, who describes her journey away from (and back toward) her conservative Mennonite upbringing, said spiritual memoirs resonate with contemporary readers who are familiar with both spiritual angst and Oprah-style confession.

“Books about devotion are experiencing a resurgence largely because people realize other things haven’t been working,” Janzen said. “As women realize that the old answers—such as finding identity in your profession or your primary relationships—fall down or become insufficient, they are looking for something else.”

The daughter of a former Mennonite leader, Janzen fills her book with traditional Mennonite foods (borscht and zwiebach), names (Caleb and Waldemar), exclamations (“GolDARNit!” and “DagNABBIT!”) and music (the Mustard Seed Praise Quartet was popular with her family).

Janzen gripes about her “painfully uncool childhood” and criticizes Mennonites’ parochialism, sexism, homophobia, and hostility toward higher education. But she also praises the community’s commitment to peace, nonviolence, simple living, and loving others in Jesus’ name.

Janzen, now 47, tested that love in 2006 after a disastrous week in which her husband told her he was gay and she was badly injured by a drunken driver. She returned to her parents’ home to recuperate and rebuild her life, and in the process rediscovered the quirky virtues of her tradition.

“If parents were judged by how much an adult child clones their beliefs, my parents would be defined as failures,” Janzen said. “But my parents modeled the stuff they believed, so I didn’t see any hypocritical gap between faith and practice.”

Janzen, who teaches English and literature at Hope College in Holland, Mich., is now working on a sequel, “Backsliders.” She said memoirs are a perfect genre for stories of spiritual quest.

“Memoirs display a narrative arc that is based on a life-changing experience,” she said. “The protagonist experiences conflict, goes through a period of introspection, and emerges with a new direction for her life. It’s a conversion narrative that shows readers change is possible.”

Jana Riess, the former religion editor for Publishers Weekly, said Janzen’s book is a refreshing alternative to therapeutic memoirs that spell out why authors left their faith and why their life is better for it.

“Janzen’s memoir is different in its affection for the Mennonites who raised and formed her,” Reiss wrote on her blog. “This is a woman who appreciates her family and her heritage.”

Change continues for Janzen, who remarried last August and is involved in church once again after years of spotty attendance.

“I have married a man of faith. I am active in a faith community. And I am feeling pretty comfortable with my Christian identity,” she said.

But the lively services at her new Pentecostal congregation contrast with Mennonite worship, where believers “sit very still and worship Jesus with all your heart, mind, and soul, only as if a snake had bitten you, and your are now in the last stages of paralysis.”

“It’s definitely a stretching experience,” she said. “It’s literally hands-on!”

Parishes encouraged to promote Family Day

Parishes in the Archdiocese of Portland are being encouraged to promote Family Day. September 27 is the tenth anniversary of “Family Day – A Day to Eat Dinner with your Children.” This celebration was started in 2001 by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University (CASA), which found that the more often children had dinner with their parents the less likely they were to use drugs or alcohol.

Ideas to help families celebrate Family Day include:

* Spending time with children having dinner together;

* Talking to children about their friends, interests and the dangers of drugs and alcohol;

* Listening to children and answering questions they might have on drugs, alcohol and tobacco;

* Recognizing that parents have the power to help keep their children substance abuse free.

Family-Faith Film Review: Takers

Takers—Crime drama that devolves into a cliched exercise in gunfire, explosions and insipid dialogue. Director and co-writer John Luessenhop tells the story of a gang of five skilled thieves (Idris Elba, Paul Walker, Chris Brown, Michael Ealy and Hayden Christensen) joined, on his release from prison, by a former cohort (Tip “T.I.” Harris) with a plan for the highly engineered robbery of an armored truck. Giving chase is a grumpy Los Angeles police detective (Matt Dillon). Constant stylized gun violence, an instance of male rear nudity, and pervasive crude and fleeting profane and crass language.  A-III — adults. (PG-13) 2010.

Family-Faith Film Review: The Last Exorcism

The Last Exorcism—Middling fright fest about an evangelical minister and self-confessed charlatan (Patrick Fabian) who brings a film crew (led by Iris Bahr) along to document his final faked exorcism. But he gets more than he bargained for when the Louisiana farm girl (Ashley Bell) whose father (Louis Herthum) summoned him shows signs of genuine possession. While the gore factor is kept comparatively low in director Daniel Stamm’s gothic outing — which toys cleverly with the modern presumption that all phenomena can be explained scientifically — the preacher’s corrosive cynicism and the occult atmosphere by which he unexpectedly finds himself surrounded make this inappropriate for all but well-grounded and judicious adult viewers. Complex treatment of religion, sacrilegious activity, some gruesome images, at least two uses of profanity, brief sexual talk, and references to incest and homosexuality. L — limited adult audience, films whose problematic content many adults would find troubling. (PG-13) 2010

WASHINGTON, D.C.—As the debate over building a Muslim community center and mosque in lower Manhattan rages on, new research from Public Religion Research Institute shows that a majority of Americans (56%) say that the former site of the World Trade Center is ’sacred ground,’ and 57% are opposed to allowing the proposed Islamic community center and mosque to be built two blocks away. However, three-in-four (76%) Americans—including majorities of religious groups across the spectrum—say they would support the building of a mosque in their own local community.

“Despite recent stories that seemed to indicate widespread opposition to mosques around the country, our survey shows Americans are making a distinction between the proposed Islamic community center and mosque in New York City and mosques in their local communities,” said Dr. Robert P. Jones, CEO of Public Religion Research Institute. “While a majority oppose the building in Manhattan, three-in-four Americans say they would support Muslims in their local communities building a mosque.”

Highlights of the survey findings include:

• A solid majority (57%) of Americans are opposed to allowing Muslims in New York to build an Islamic community center and mosque two blocks from the site of the World Trade Center. Only about one-third (31%) favor it.

Strongest opposition: Religious groups most opposed include white evangelical Protestants (75%) and Catholics (63%). Republicans (85%), Americans age 65 or older (67%), and those with a high school education or less (64%) are also solidly opposed.

Strongest support: a plurality (46%) of Democrats, 43% of the religiously unaffiliated, and 42% of Americans who do not believe the former World Trade Center site is sacred support building the mosque.

• Despite this opposition, Americans are overwhelmingly supportive (76%) of allowing Muslims in their community to build an Islamic center or mosque provided they followed the same rules and regulations required of other religious groups. Among religious groups, white evangelical Protestants are most opposed, with nearly 1-in-4 (24%) opposing the construction of a mosque or Islamic center in their own community, even if Muslims follow all the same rules and regulations required of other religious groups.

• A majority of Americans (56%) consider the World Trade Center site to be sacred. Nearly 4-in-10 (38%) disagree. Among religious groups, Catholics—a group known for having a strong sense of sacred space—are most likely to view the World Trade Center site as sacred (68%). Seven-in-ten Americans who believe the former World Trade Center site is sacred oppose building an Islamic center and mosque two blocks from the site.

• Nearly two-thirds (64%) of Americans are following the story very or somewhat closely in the media. There are significant differences by party identification, with nearly three-in-four (74%) Republicans following the story very or somewhat closely, compared to 66% of Independents and 61% of Democrats.

The PRRI/RNS Religion News Survey is conducted monthly by Public Religion Research Institute in partnership with Religion News Service. Results from the survey were based on telephone interviews conducted during August 20-22, 2010, among a national probability sample of 1,005 adults.

The survey memo and topline questionnaire can be found on the PRRI website here. The RNS story about the poll can be found here.

Public Religion Research Institute is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit, nonpartisan, independent research and education organization specializing in work at the intersection of religion, values, and public life.

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Most Oregonians consider the Census process an uncomfortable experience according to an Oregon Faith Report online straw poll.   The question asked was “In filling out the 2010 census, did you feel comfortable/uncomfortable on the questions asked?” with 65% saying uncomfortable, 21% comfortable and 14% undecided.   This is terrible public relations nearly one out of five customers come away with a negative experience.

The second question was “If you answered “Uncomfortable” to the Census question, please list which Census questions contributed to your feelings. (You may select any choice that applies)” where the leading response was a negative to the age question by 77% followed by telephone 66%.

Here were soem comments left.

- The EXTRA questions NOT required by the constitution are concerning. At best it feels nosey, but when I find that I’m reluctant to send emails or other internet messages that could be seen as unpopular by the current administration and possibly noted in some file, I hesitate to reveal much of my personal life or preferences in such a poll as the “census”    .

- I didn’t fill it out. Didn’t answer the door for the census taker either.

- They said they needed my telephone number in case. No they don’t. They can mail me a letter with a question. Race? Why am I “White” instead of Caucasian or whatever. And the categories of race or strange this round. And why age. Why not just “Over 18″ and “Under 18. Frankly, why any age, why not just say the person who filled it out was of legal age and call it good. Everything we tell them can be used for bad reasons, so why do they ask? Their convenience is not sufficient reason to give up rights to privacy. The form should be greatly simplified.

- owning a home, money matters, etc. and mostly birthdate

- I was hired by the census. They told workers that respondents can self identify. If they tell you they’re a Smurf, that’s what you write.

- There is only one race, but many people groups

Church Girls Gone…Mild?

No book on the Christian Nice Girl problem would be complete without looking at how the church socializes girls and women.  Rather than trying to resolve every “hot button” doctrinal issue related to gender, such as whether women should serve as pastors, here’s a simple observation that rings true for many female believers: the “sugar and spice” expectations and pressures that women face are often even worse inside than outside the church’s walls.  Some churches don’t allow women to be involved in any form of leadership, unless it’s singing on the worship team or teaching children.  This means that the important insights and contributions available from women’s God-given, intuitive, empathetic minds are under-valued, unheard, and unheeded.  In other churches, when women are encouraged to be more assertive and expressive, it’s often highly compartmentalized.  Being animated and spirited is okay—but only during worship.  It’s good to be courageous—when sharing the gospel.  It’s right to be firm—when disciplining your children.

And when women are allowed to lead, some are trained that when it comes to a disagreement, men win by virtue of gender, not accuracy.  I (Paul) experienced this one evening as my wife and I joined three other couples in a quaint courtyard.  One of the women and I began debating a theological issue.  For about twenty minutes, we were the only ones talking at the table, two people passionately defending their opinions.  My wife, Sandy, kicked me numerous times under the table to let it go.

But before I could concede that we would have to agree to disagree on the topic (Sandy’s pointy shoes really hurt after a while), I was astonished by how the woman ended the debate.

“I disagree, but you’re a man so you’re probably right.”

“What?” I said, in quiet bewilderment.  “That’s…that’s an excuse, not a reason.”

I felt sorry for this bright and anxious woman.  Just because I’m a man doesn’t mean I’m automatically right in discussions, even if I am a published author on spiritual matters.  However, that’s what her church had socialized her into believing: she was supposed to bow to any man who disagreed with her regarding theological matters, even when she believed that his opinion was dead wrong.  She ended up trying to please me instead of remaining true to her understanding of God and his Word.

This is what many women are socialized to do in church: please people, not God.  They come to church experiencing ongoing pressure from the world to be plastic Nice Girls, and the church, instead of freeing women to emulate the 360-degree Jesus, influences them to become even more of a smiley-face doormat, by teaching them that this is what god expects from women: quiet, sweet, unrelenting compliance.

But God’s purpose in creating the average woman with empathy and connection skills is not to produce perpetually nice, hyper-compliant, non-boat-rocking women—it can’t be since Jesus (as you saw in chapter 1) was not particularly nice or compliant, and he definitely made waves.  God wants women to reflect all 360 degrees of Christ’s image which means that truly good Christian women won’t look as sweet and unassuming as their church may expect.

A woman who doesn’t meet her church’s “sugar and spice” expectations will find a frustrating force working against her: the “selective perception” that some church leaders and churchgoers unknowingly practice.  They see or hear only the Bible verses or sermons that support what they already believe: that God expects women to be Christian Nice Girls.  Scripture or sermons that support female (and male) believers in embracing the full sweet and salty personality of Jesus simply don’t register, even when they are presented.

There’s a final, powerful, social force shaping girls to be sugar and spice: other girls.  Sociologists have discovered that as early as elementary school, girls have established in their minds what an ideal female should act and look like.  They model their behavior accordingly and then bestow popularity on girls who most closely match this imaginary paragon of woman hood.  Now, who do you think their idealized female is more like—Condoleeza Rice or Paris Hilton?  It’s not the former Secretary of State.  Research indicates that even young girls know that their status comes from physical attractiveness, clothing, social skills, romantic success with boys, their parents’ higher socioeconomic status (and the resulting expensive clothing, material possessions, and lifestyle), their parents’ permissive parenting style (less parental supervision means more freedom), and (last on the list, sadly) academic performance.  Girls, having been socialized previously by adults to be compliant and over-focused on outward appearances, socialize other girls in turn, and create a culture of “compliance and conformity,” wherein girls closely follow social roles and rules, and enforce them on other girls.

In a nutshell, countless studies have shown that gender socialization gives girls “roots” and boys “wings,” meaning that girls are shaped by their culture to become interdependent while boys are shaped for autonomy and independence.  Being interdependent or connected through relationships is not a bad thing.  The problem arises when that’s your only option, when independence, assertiveness, and speaking the truth are not options.  Take those out of the mix, and you’ve got a sure-fire recipe for cattiness.

“Catty, that’s just how girls are.  You can’t trust them, “says fifteen-year-old Amber, sitting rigidly with her fists clenched as she relays the painful story of her former best friend’s betrayal.  “She said she didn’t like by boyfriend, but then people told me she made out with him at a party.  Then she started telling people that he wanted to dump me because I was a slut!”  Amber’s anger suddenly dissolves into tears of hurt.  “She’s been my best friend since second grade!  How could she do this to me?”

Amber’s all-too-familiar story illustrates the relational aggression (spreading rumors about someone, teasing, threatening to exclude someone, shunning) that girls commit against one another.  Girls use primarily these behaviors to bully other girls.  Physical punches may not be thrown, but the emotional pain is devastating, and over time, can lead girls and women to believe that females, by nature, are untrustworthy, devious, and manipulative—in a word, catty.  But is this really true?  Are females born catty?

Girls learn cattiness from sitting at the knee of the Nice Girl culture, in and outside of church.  You’ve already seen that God’s original design was to hardwire most women for empathy, intuition, and connectedness.  He gave them greater skills with language and emotions.  Physiologically speaking, the majority of women are primed to highly value relationships and find disconnection from others very painful.  Then women are socialized from infancy to believe that if they want to keep their relationships, they must behave like Nice Girls: unrelentingly helpful, pleasant, quiet, self-effacing, noncompetitive, and compliant—no matter the situation.

As they move into the upper grades of elementary school, they also experience increasingly unrealistic cultural expectations for beauty, as well as behavior.  This is a lot of pressure on nine and ten-year-olds, and it makes them anxious because who can match up to these ridiculous standards?  Answer: No one.  But that’s not what magazines and television and yes, sometimes even parents and the church, tell them, and so girls begin to experience shame over their inability to meet impossible cultural standards that are actually cruel to all but a chosen few.  And shame, anxiety, and jealousy give birth to cattiness.  Lyn Mikel Brown explains

Girls take out their anxieties and fears about matching up to or resisting ideals of feminine beauty and behavior on each other.  They fight—exclude, tease, reject, and torment—other girls over things the dominant culture makes out to be very important, but in the grand scheme of things shouldn’t matter that much—that is, how perfectly nice, thin, or pleasing a girl is.

Adding to their shame and fear of not measuring up, girls learn from their culture that anger, open and expressed, is forbidden for Nice Girls.  Christian Nice Girls get the double whammy:  Anger is not just wrong for women, it’s sinful.  From all directions, girls learn “don’t speak up, don’t speak the truth, don’t get angry, preserve your relationships at all costs,” so they learn to avoid confrontation and to use hidden ways of getting what they want.  Tragically, by not being honest and straightforward with others as Christ modeled, Christian girls sabotage the very relationships they are trying to preserve.  (We’ll discuss this further in chapters 5-7.)

Because they are human, girls do get angry.  They fight, disagree, and compete, but since they’ve learned that adults disapprove of girls expressing these feelings, they take their angry feelings underground or out of the sight of adults.

Brown adds

Girls learn early to use covert tactics like threatening to damage or control a girl’s relationships with others or to ignore or exclude someone they are angry with…The ultimate threat when a young girl feels the wrath of another girl is not being yelled at or hit, but excluded: “You can’t come to my birthday party.”  In this way, adults’ expectations that girls be nice and cooperative and avoid loud conflicts…set the stage for a more opaque, but no less aggressive, form of girlfighting.

And so the Nice Girl culture, instead of producing girls who are honest, kind, strong, brave—the kind of truly good women who can change the world—actually produces the opposite—catty girls who believe their only option is to use relational aggression to both get what they want and to protect themselves from the shame of not measuring up to their culture’s unrealistic standards.  Girls learn to lie to each other, not because females are born untrustworthy or devious, but because it just seems too risky to speak the truth.  Sow this poisonous seed over a lifetime and you will reap, as many Christian Nice Girls do, a harvest of superficial, unsatisfying relationships—relationships where “everybody signs their letters with love or dots their I’s with hearts—even when they don’t feel like it.”

Paul Coughlin is the author of numerous books, including Unleashing Courageous Faith, No More Christian Nice Guy and No More Jellyfish, Chickens or Wimps. He also co-authored a book for married couples with his wife Sandy, titled Married But Not Engaged. Paul is founder of The Protectors, the values-based and faith-based answer to adolescent bullying, which provides curriculum for public schools, private schools, retreats, and individuals who want to diminish child-based bullying.

Family-Faith Film Review: The Switch

The Switch—Seven years after his unmarried best friend (Jennifer Aniston) conceived a son (Thomas Robinson) by artificial insemination, and left town to raise the boy, a successful but neurotic New York stock trader (Jason Bateman) reconnects with her. Struck by the parallels between his personality and the lad’s, he gradually recollects that, while drunk, he accidentally spilled the intended donor’s (Patrick Wilson) “contribution” down a bathroom sink. Then, in a panic, he substituted his own. The film showcases some of the tangled emotional complications brought about by severing conception from its divinely intended source and setting, the bond of marital love. But co-directors Will Speck and Josh Gordon’s frequently distasteful comedy of modern manners, adapted from Jeffrey Eugenides’ 1996 short story “Baster,” takes as a given of contemporary life its heroine’s right to engineer such a rupture. Lost in the moral confusion are touching scenes of paternal love and a fine comic turn by Jeff Goldblum as Bateman’s perpetually flustered business partner. Benign view of artificial insemination, off-screen masturbation, rear and blurred frontal nudity, much sexual humor, at least one use of the S-word, some crass language. O – morally offensive. (PG-13) 2010

Family-Faith Film Review: Lottery Ticket

Lottery Ticket—Broad comedy centers on a hardworking, good-natured 18-year-old (rapper Bow Wow) from an Atlanta housing project who wins the lottery but must survive a long holiday weekend before he can collect. He must evade the wiles of a menacing thug (Gbenga Akinnagbe) and a natty crime boss (Mike Epps) with the help of a retired boxer (Ice Cube) for whom he runs errands. Director Erik White’s efforts to bridge materialism and spiritual growth are awkward, and viewers seeking an entertaining and perceptive social satire will be disappointed. Nongraphic nonmarital sexual activity, much profanity, at least one use of the F-word, frequent crude and crass language, numerous sexual and contraception references and some violence. L — limited adult audience, films whose problematic content many adults would find troubling. (PG-13) 2010

The debate swirling around the proposed mosque and Muslim community center in lower Manhattan near the World Trade Center site has, for many, tapped into strong emotions of a national trauma that is still raw. But in the churning political and constitutional arguments, one question has not been adequately addressed: what makes a mosque near ground zero offensive? Nearly everyone in this debate affirms the constitutional right for the mosque’s construction. Indeed, that right is a cherished founding principle. As Thomas Jefferson said, “The constitutional freedom of religion [is] the most inalienable and sacred of all human rights.” It is no accident that the right to worship in accordance with one’s own conscience is enshrined in the First Amendment.

But, many mosque opponents argue, just because it can be built does not mean it should be. They say it would be disrespectful to the memories of those who died on 9/11 to build a Muslim facility near the World Trade Center site. I appreciate the depth of emotions at play, but respectfully suggest that the presence of a mosque is only inappropriate near ground zero if we unfairly associate Muslim Americans with the atrocities of the foreign al-Qaidaterrorists who attacked our nation.

Such an association is a profound error. Muslim Americans are our fellow citizens, not our enemies. Muslim Americans were among the victims who died at the World Trade Center in the 9/11 attacks. Muslim American first responders risked their lives to save their fellow citizens that day. Many of our Muslim neighbors, including thousands of Oregon citizens, serve our country in war zones abroad and our communities at home with dedication and distinction.

Some have also argued that the construction of the mosque would hand a propaganda victory to Osama bin Laden. I think the opposite is true. Al-Qaida justifies its murder by painting America as a nation at war with Islam. Celebrating our freedom of religion and Muslim Americans’ place in our communities is a blow to al-Qaida’s ideology of hate and division. We strengthen America by distinguishing, clearly and unequivocally, between our al-Qaida enemy and our Muslim neighbors.

President Bush understood the importance of separating the terrorists from over a billion peaceful Muslims around the world whose faith has been used as an excuse by those bent on killing. Speaking at a mosque just six days after the World Trade Center attack, President Bush said, “These acts of violence against innocents violate the fundamental tenets of the Islamic faith, and it’s important for my fellow Americans to understand that.”

I have great respect for the sentiments of the survivors and family members of those who died on 9/11, and understand that some may not regard the situation this way. But our fundamental religious freedom and our national security — in addition to fairness for our fellow citizens — will be well served by drawing a bright line between our Muslim friends and neighbors at home, and our al-Qaida enemy abroad.

Jeff Merkley is a Democratic U.S. senator from Oregon.

A Georgia University Orders Student to Change Her Christian Beliefs to Earn Degree.

In another blatant (and increasingly common) example of religious freedoms being assailed in the “land of the free”, a counseling student at Augusta State University in Georgia was told that her Christian beliefs were “unethical” and “incompatible with prevailing views” of the counseling profession. If we accept Augusta State University’s position, then it would be reasonable to assume that any Bible believing Christian, and by inference Jesus Himself, would be unfit to counsel.

Jennifer Keeton, age 23, was told to stop sharing her beliefs with others and to change her beliefs if she hoped to graduate from the University’s counseling program.

Furthermore, the university ordered Keeton to undergo a “re-education” program or be expelled from the Counselor Education Program.

According to University officials, her Christian beliefs make it impossible for Jennifer “to be a multi-culturally competent counselor, particularly with regard to working with gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer/questioning (GLBTQ) populations.”

Re-Educating Away the Christian Faith
The plan mandated for Keeton requires her to take steps to change her beliefs through additional assignments and additional “diversity sensitivity training.” It also orders her to “work to increase exposure and interactions with gay populations. One such activity could be attending the Gay Pride Parade in Augusta.”

Each month, Keeton is required to complete a report on how the “remediation” assignments have influenced her beliefs so that faculty can “decide the appropriateness of her continuation in the counseling program.” The plan concludes by noting that “failure to complete all elements of the remediation plan will result in dismissal from the Counselor Education Program.”

If Christian beliefs are “unethical” and “incompatible with prevailing views” as counselors, how long will it be before Christians are deemed unfit to teach school, coach youth sports, work in social services, serve as journalist or news professionals or hold any government position? And how long before Augusta-style “re-education” is mandated at all levels of education. Some might argue it’s already begun.

Jennifer Keeton’s cause has been taken on by the Alliance Defense Fund (ADF), a non-profit organization dedicated to defending religious liberties. This is one of several similar cases that ADF has undertaken.

Read about a similar case: Eastern Michigan University

Even though we’re more connected virtually than ever before, why do so many people feel increasingly disconnected from deep and rewarding relationships? One week from today, NYTimes bestselling authors and church leaders Kerry and Chris Shook — along with 20,000 members of their Woodlands Church near Houston — will begin to answer that question during the National Facebook Fast, a movement to disconnect from social media and any form of electronic communication — i.e. chatting on Facebook, tweeting, texting, e-mailing, cell phones, laptops, ipads, etc. — on Wednesday, August 25 and spend the day getting face-to-face in relationships.

“We aren’t bashing technology; we’re simply issuing a challenge for participants to take one day, set it aside and act intentionally in their relationships. For one day we’re getting back to the basics and we’re inviting everyone around the nation to do the same,” say the couple, who have four children, adding, “If you have to rely on these methods for schoolwork or business, of course do so, but outside of that, get unplugged.”

In this age of short attention spans and digital distractions, the theme of the fast is “Be All There.”

In their new book, “Love At Last Sight: 30 Days to Grow and Deepen Your Closest Relationships,” the Shooks advocate periodic technology fasts as they take on pop culture myths about building and sustaining true relationships in a hyper-connected world.

“Modern communication is great, but far too often it is becoming a complete substitute for actually sitting down and spending time with people, which is so important in building deep connections. A quick email note, text message or picture shared on a web page is wonderful, but it’s not the same as being there.”

The Shooks believe that social networking has redefined what “friend” means creating the false expectation that if we are connected to huge numbers of people, we are important and loved. It has also created the misperception that even our closest relationships can be managed through keyboard and mouse clicks, or at least should be as easy and convenient as doing so.

“We’re forgetting the amazing power of connection found in looking into someone’s eyes, giving them our undivided attention, sensing their body language, and being in their space. Or, the transformative effect of an embrace, a handshake, or a hand on someone’s shoulder. As much as we want to tell ourselves otherwise, rewarding and healthy relationships take time and effort.”

On Wednesday, August 25, the Shooks recommend meeting up with a friend for a face-to-face conversation, planning a family dinner night without the TV on and all other electronic communication devices off, visiting a neighbor you’ve never met to get acquainted, taking a meal to a shut-in, visiting someone in the hospital, or writing and mailing a handwritten letter or card.

For details and Facebook Fast video, visit www.lastsightchallenge.com.  The Shooks and participants are available for interviews. B-roll available upon request.

Math Counts has provided unique opportunities for gifted students to compete and to shine.  The program is comparable to the National Spelling Bee.  Winners on a national level are rewarded and meet the president at the White House.

These examples of cheating obviously mar the competition, but homeschoolers as a whole should not be completely wiped from the competition.

Penny Nance, CEO for Concerned Women for America, said, “It appears that the objectionable behavior was committed mostly, if not wholly, by non-homeschool kids, yet the Math Counts board chose to punish homeschoolers.  Homeschoolers have excelled in the competition.  Is this another example of punishing those who excel so that others can feel good about themselves?  These students should not be punished for the misdeeds of a few cheaters.  Homeschoolers may still be permitted to compete as individuals, but the reality is that far fewer students will be able to participate if homeschool teams are banned from involvement.”

Concerned Women for America is the nation’s largest public policy women’s organization.

New Pew Research Center Survey Reveals Growing Number of Americans Who Say Barack Obama is a Muslim

Washington, D.C.—A new national survey by the Pew Research Center for the People & the Press and the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life finds that a substantial and growing number of Americans say that Barack Obama is a Muslim, while the proportion saying he is a Christian has declined. More than a year and a half into his presidency, a plurality of the public says they do not know what religion Obama follows.

According to the survey, nearly one-in-five Americans (18%) now say Obama is a Muslim—an increase from 11% in March 2009. Only about one-third of adults (34%) say Obama is a Christian, a sharp decrease from 48% in 2009. Fully 43% say they do not know what Obama’s religion is. The survey was completed in early August, before Obama’s recent comments about the proposed construction of a mosque near the site of the former World Trade Center.

The belief that Obama is a Muslim has increased most sharply among Republicans (up 14 points since 2009), especially conservative Republicans (up 16 points). But the number of independents who say Obama is a Muslim has also increased significantly (up eight points). There has been little change in the number of Democrats who say Obama is a Muslim, but fewer Democrats today say he is a Christian (down nine points since 2009).

The new poll, conducted between July 21 and Aug. 5 among 3,003 respondents, also examines the link between Americans’ perception of Obama’s religion and their opinion of his job performance, and covers views on the President’s approach to religion, including the influence of his religious beliefs on policy decisions. In addition, the survey explores Americans’ attitudes toward churches’ involvement in politics and religion’s influence on American life and government, and looks at religion’s impact on voting preferences for the upcoming 2010 congressional races.

The report, including a summary and topline questionnaire, will be accessible on the Forum’s new Web feature, “Religion & Politics 2010,” which provides a variety of election resources, including:

• Poll analyses and survey reports on topics related to the midterm elections
• Links to news stories about religion-related issues impacting 2010 congressional and gubernatorial races around the country
• “Election news briefs” highlighting interesting articles and common themes making news headlines

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The Pew Research Center’s Forum on Religion & Public Life conducts surveys, demographic analyses and other social science research on important aspects of religion and public life in the U.S. and around the world. As part of the Washington-based Pew Research Center, a nonpartisan, nonadvocacy organization, the Pew Forum does not take positions on any of the issues it covers or on policy debates.

Religion in Sports: NFL player fasts during practice to honor Ramadan, Tim Tebow tops athlete ratings, plus Hockey star  Kane shares his faith

1. Footballer Abdullah fasts during Ramadan
2. Tim Tebow hits #3 most popular athlete
3. Hockey star Patrick Kane shares his faith

1. Husain Abdullah shuns food, water during practice

Minnesota Vikings football player Husain Abdullah in honor of Ramadan is going through football practice without food and water!   This is without food and water for the entire day while the sun is out.  Abdulah told the Associated Press, “I’m putting nothing before God, nothing before my religion,” Abdullah said. “This is something I choose to do, not something I have to do. So I’m always going to fast.”   His plan to avoid complications is by eating a big meal and consuming protein shakes before sunrise . More on this story from Yahoo sports here.

2. Tim Tebow fame rises

Tim Tebow is starting his new National Football League career with the Denver and already he has been placed Tim Tebow as the 3rd most influential athlete in America by E-Poll Market research.  They called his appeal “unprecedented”.  This is the player who when he wrote “John 3:16″ on his face during a game Google surged with 92 million search word requests for “John 3:16″  One Florida newspaper mentioned this week that Tim Tebow stories are the number one viewed sports article (article here).  Earlier this year he was featured in a Super Bowl ad for Focus on the Family.  Expect a great season for this outspoken athlete of faith.

3. Hockey star Patrick Kane shares his faith

Hockey star Patrick Kane of the Chicago Blackhawks has been in the news this summer.  He helped his team win Hockey’s ultimate prize, the Stanley Cup.  He is also becomming  known for his faith and his compassion.

It was just this summer, Patrick Kane helped win the biggest game in Hockey in overtime.  As part of his post-victory celebration he made sure to stop by a cancer ward at hospital.  A cancer patient wanted to see the Stanley Cup before he died and Kane delivered.   On his faith and religion Kane said, “As you come into the league, you want to prove yourself as a player. After that, I think other things become a little bit more important,” Kane said. “You obviously want to play good, but you want to be more of a role model to people around you. For the past year or so, I’ve been praying to God every night that he can help me become a better person and help me make a difference, not only in sports but in the world. Whether that’s helping one or two people out, that’s what it is. … I think it all depends on the situation.”

More on Patrick Kane here.